


"An-And I-I am the Winter Solider"

by Simplyforallfandoms



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author is in love with Peggy, Author just rewatched Endgame and is very sorry, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky snaps, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Fix-It of Sorts, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I tried fluff but gave up, If You Squint - Freeform, Marvel Universe, Multi, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Other, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Quote: I'm with you 'til the end of the line (Marvel), Sorry Not Sorry, Sort of Bucky/Steve, Sort of Peggy Bashing, They will never close, Tony lives, You thought the End Game wounds were closed?, like really hard, no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28251999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simplyforallfandoms/pseuds/Simplyforallfandoms
Summary: Marcus Aurelius once said that the soul becomes dyed with one's thoughts. If that were correct, then Bucky’s soul would be a dark crimson red.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Peggy Carter, James "Bucky" Barnes & Shuri, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter & Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Comments: 8
Kudos: 23





	"An-And I-I am the Winter Solider"

Bucky knew what Stark was going to, and he couldn’t let Stark do it. Stark had a family, a wife, a child, what did Bucky have? The blood of hundreds on his hands. If Bucky stopped Stark from doing this, he could change the fate of Morgan's life. It would not make up for the millions he had killed, it could never begin to make up for the fact that he had killed Morgan's grandparents, but it could give her a father. 

Bucky ran towards Thanos, ran past Steve, past Shuri, and then he got to where Tony was. In front of Thano’s. Tony had gotten there first and was about to put on the gauntlet, but one look Bucky’s eyes said all that needed to be said. There was a stubbornness in Bucky's eyes, a need even to take the gauntlet and snap. Tony had seen that look before, it was always present in Steve's eyes, and in some ways, it was present in his eyes as well. The look in his eyes was one of defiance. At that moment, Tony knew he could try all he wanted, but there was no way that he would be the one using that gauntlet.

As Thanos puts the final stone into the gauntlet, Bucky feels first hand how much power it held. The tendrils of electricity were snaking up Thanos’s purple arm, and that was the moment Bucky knew that he was going to die. He had gotten close to death before. On the front lines in WW2, on that table, hell, his whole life had been full of the possibility of death, so it felt more like a friend than anything. 

He and Tony manage to get the stones out of Thanos’s hand and on to his own, right before Thanos had the chance to snap, to dust Bucky out of existence one again. As Thanos utters the words “I am inevitable” and snaps his fingers, the whole crowd is silent, silent in the hope that it will not work or silence in the resignation that they lost Bucky can not be sure. Bucky can only hope that Starks tech would work. 

While waiting for the snap to malfunction, Bucky felt the power coming from the gauntlet that was camouflage on his arm. The gauntlet that was going to be the end of him. It was going to be the end to the Winter soldier reign of terror and the end to James Buchanan Barnes, a life that should have been taken about a hundred years ago, on that table as he was experimented on, or as he fell off of the train, or as he fought Steve, or as he was dusted. But as much as death willed, Life would not give up its hold on Sargent Barns; it would not give up its grip as he felt his heartbreak when Steve fell madly in love with Peggy; it would not give up its grasp as he flatlined on the operating table; it would not give up its grip as he endured hours upon hours, days upon days, years upon years worth of torture, brainwashing, and manipulation. How cruel was it that it would only give up its hold as Bucky did something right, heroic some would go on to call it? 

Bucky had gotten this far; he couldn't back down now, not as he was the only way to bring peace and safety back on to the earth and the universe for at least a couple of years. He could ensure that there was enough time for his family and friends to rebuild, to build back. Not go back to the world as it used to be, but to a world in which people could be happy and safe. A world where they would not have to face another Slovakia or another Thanos situation for a long, long time.

So Bucky put on the gauntlet and raised his face, so his eyes were looking into Thanos. The man that had put him more into the future, the man that had ruined what could have been the legacy of Bucky Barnes.

As Bucky activated the gauntlet, he felt the power and pain it brought alongside it. He felt the appeal of it as well. As long as Bucky had that gauntlet on him, no one could stop him. He felt the tendrils of power, the feel of power, the smell of it along with the last of it. He felt the taste of being powerful, being seen, as he was the one who was going to decide the fate of the world. 

The first stone that Bucky felt was the Power stone. Its power coursed through his veins like poison. Bucky could now see the appeal of it all, it was not the appeal of having recognition that brought people into war or politics. It was the appeal of having that much power over some else's future. It could be a stranger on the street or the next-door neighbor. It didn’t matter. It was just the power that did. He could also see how few were able to escape from it, whether it be war or any seat of power, once you got a taste of it, only a few could resist the temptation of tasting it again. 

The second one was not as kind to Bucky if you could believe that, it was the Mind stone. Its power was different from that of the Power Stone, it was more painful, at least to him. He could hear the last pleas of everyone he killed. “Please, I have a wife and kids'' Or “Please, Please, I can't die yet, Please don't kill me” even worse, he saw his sister, Becca, who he had killed more than 50 years ago, he could hear he pleading, telling him that she still had to fight for justice, unlike the others she had not pleaded for herself but for those she had served. Even as she was about to be shot, she didn't fight; she just wanted to finish writing one last piece of legislation that would help POW and the lost heroes of WW2. He had shot her before she could even finish speaking. He saw himself as he beat up Steve, Steve his best friend, Steve, the person who always managed to believe in Bucky, because he had been the only one to believe in Steve once upon a time. 

The space stone gave him the possibility of escape. The possibility to go to a universe Enos away from all of this and live out his life. It gave him the possibilities of everything he had missed in his life. Like the time he almost told Steve he loved him, or the time he almost didn't follow orders, or the time he almost died before he could become the monster he is. Deep down, Bucky knew that he would never be able to live out those almost, at least not in this timeline, but he could wish, couldn't he? Didn't he deserve at least that? After everything, he went through, and everything he was about to go through? But Bucky knew he could never take that escape route, it would ruin everything, and he couldn't risk that.

The time stone could have achieved the possibilities that the space stone had given him. With the time stone, he could have gone back to when these almost happened. He could have gone back and made sure that he didn't kill his sister, that he didn't kill JFK or anyone else for that matter. He could have gone back to make sure that The Assist never existed. What would that make Bucky, The hero who had the chance to save the world but didn't have the courage? And Bucky knew he never could do that. 

Marcus Aurelius once said that the soul becomes dyed with one's thoughts. If that were correct, then Bucky’s soul would be a dark crimson red. As the full weight of the soul stone took Bucky's body, he could hardly stand it. It felt as if he was atlas carrying the weight of the world. But it wasn't the world. It was the world of the people he had killed, there hopes and aspirations, their dreams; it was the worlds of there loved ones, of the child who would never know their father or the sister that never got to offer her sister advice on love, it was the hopes and dreams of everyone who had relied on those men and women, those heroes. And that was the worst of all, Bucky knew that he was never going to go to heaven, but he always hoped, now feeling the weight of his crimes on his soul, he didn't even have a chance at hell. 

It was only through the power of the reality stone that he could see, for lack of a better term, the reality of it all. He knew that he was the only one on this battlefield who had no one to go home to, no family, or friends, so he was the ideal person to die. He also knew that even if he somehow survived this, he would be far from a hero. He would be far from a free man. He was still a wanted fugitive in 177 countries, and after this, well, what else did he have to live for? His life had always been for serving people, following orders. He had never gotten a chance to find himself because he had always been too busy following others. He knew the stark truth, even with this sacrifice, he would still be the villain in every story told of him. 

“And,” Bucky said, taking a labored breath in, he only had one chance at this “ And… I am the” with a pause, he uttered the final two words “Winter soldier” With that, Bucky looked straight into Thanos’s eyes, and he snapped.

He watched as the purple titan turned into dust just as he had five years prior. Then he watched as the soldiers who had signed up willingly to a cause they had believed was right just as he had 75 years ago, turned into dust and ash. He could have easily been one of those soldiers, misled, misinformed, and manipulated, frankly he was one of those soldiers.

He fell to his knees and leaned against the wreckage. Taking solace in the fact that he could have some comfort at least. Bucky took off the gauntlet, but he knew it was too late. Even if he somehow managed to get the strength to take off the arm, the power had already moved on. 

Bucky saw a familiar red, white, and blue suit running towards him. Then Bucky somehow got the strength to do it, or the memory to do it. With one final rush of adrenaline, he hit the button and released his arm. 

“Buck, Bucky, God, please be ok” Steve was yelling for him, but it all sounded like a distant dream to Bucky like someone was saying it through the water. Then he saw those piercing blue eyes. Through all of the dirt and grime that was all over Steve's face, Bucky could see those blue eyes. When Steve got the super serum, every physical thing about him had changed from his height to his scrawniness, everything but his eyes. 

“He-Hey Punk,” Bucky said, the pain evident in his voice and on his face. With a shaky breath, Steve replied with a simple “Hey Je-Jerk,” Bucky took a deep breath and uttered the words that he said almost 75 years ago, with a farewell that seemed much simpler. 

“H-He-Hey Stevie, I-I’m going to b-be go-gone for a wh-whi-while, D-don't do any-anything stupid un-until I-I ge-get ba-back,” Bucky finished with tears in his eyes. 

“H-How co-coul-could I-I, y-your ta-taking a-all th-th-the stu-stu-stupid wi-with y-you,” Steve said crying and holding Bucky close. With that, James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes took his last breath. 

A breath that had been stolen from him for more than 75 years, taken when he most wanted to take another. A breath that had been taken unfairly from someone who deserved to live out his life. With a lover perhaps, or family, but had lived out his life as a servant, an assist, someone who followed Captin America into the arms of death over and over again until it finally caught up to him, until finally, he could no longer follow the little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry for reopening the wounds a year later. If you want to kill me or yell at me you can find me on tumbler. I have a couple of other angsty fics I'm trying to finish and upload. Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated. Oh, also I have to separate fics, written all based on this, one where Bucky lives and Steve stays and One where Bucky lives and Steve still leaves (both of them have Bucky snaping). Anyways, comment whether you want me to add to this like the funerals, or if you want me to post the other 2 stories!
> 
> https://simplyforallfandoms.tumblr.com/ (my tumbler)


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